Episode 4: Talkin’ Lady Drops a Bomb
Narrator: You are listening to episode 5 of The Electronic Lover. If you haven’t heard episodes 1-4 we recommend catching up first.
In the last episode, Talkin’ Lady told Margot she has been saving everyone’s conversations onto a floppy, prompting Margot to think about how to protect privacy in the chatrooms. Always an instigator, Talkin’ Lady now gets the group going on the subject of their current relationships.
Joan: Do. Tell. All.
Margot: Just a friendly reminder
That everything said in the chat
Should remain in the chat
Theresa: We’re definitely dating
Trying not to move too fast
Voice: Committed to keeping it casual…
Theresa: Seriously connected though
Voice: …with eventual cohabitation
Voices: It’s complicated
Frankie: Now that I’m in school
I can’t start anything serious
But I could be open to
Shall we say
An amicus brief
Garrison: You may have heard
My wife and I have separated
But we remain on good terms
Considering
Voices: So sorry, sorry to hear that
Margot: Aw, Buck
Buck, I am here
if you need an ear
Garrison: A comfort
That you’re near, dear
Voices: Playing the field
Taking a swing, Switch hitting
It’s complicated!
Voice: It’s a work in progress
But we’re having the conversation….
Voice: His mother really likes me
She bought me a scented candle…
Voice: We opened a joint checking account
But we still do separate vacations
Voice: We might adopt a dog?
Susan: I’m unattached and quite relieved
To be an independent entity
Though flirtation can be fun
I’ve demarcated a boundary
Drawn a line!
Joan: Oh, have you now?
Susan: Self-preservation, dear
You stood me up
In Manhattan
I bought new pumps for our big night out on the town
Joan: I apologized, Stacks
Susan: No hard feelings
No big deal
Joan: I’ll make it up to you
Susan: I’m Just going to keep on truckin’
Voices: Playing the field, taking a swing
Keeping it casual
Having the conversation
Keeping it light
Looking to settle down
Seeing other people
Considering committing soon
Playing it safe
Keeping my options open
Waiting for true love
Looking for good times
Putting myself out there
Margot: I’m married to the job
Not currently on the prowl
You guys keep me pretty busy
Joan: Maybe it’s like art
You’ll know it when you see it
Frankie: Or when she feels it
Joan: Well I am feeling it!
Voices: Oh? What? Do tell! Really?
Joan: All women
To our forum, stat!
I’ve got quite a story for you…
Narrator: The women hightail it over to their private forum to hear what Joan has to say.
Joan: Late night
Cruising
Down Broadway
In the back of a cruiser
With the long arm of the law
Voices: What???
Joan: In order to start my new foundation
Helping other victims of hit and run felonies
I’ve been going on ridealongs
With the 20th precinct
Theresa: What a thrill!
Susan: Your sense of adventure!
Joan: The most thrilling part of all is
Officer Westmoreland
Officer Alex Westmoreland
He says to call him Alex
But only when we’re alone
And reader
We have been
Alone
Theresa: Joan!
No moss growing
On that rolling stone
Frankie: You like it
When you see it
And you’ll take it
When you can get it
Joan: Damn straight!
And I have another surprise
For you gals
Susan: Always keeping us on our toes
Joan: I would like to bring him in
And introduce you all
To him
Theresa: Right now?
Susan: To the woman’s forum?
Frankie: But I haven’t combed my hair
Margot: Is he a member? What’s his handle?
Can we take a vote?
Should we do this elsewhere?
Maybe…
Alex: Hi, everyone!
Everyone: Oh hey, howdy, hello
Alex: Talkin’ Lady has spoken so highly of you
You are like members of her family
I want to thank you all
For taking such good care of her
Theresa: We love her
Frankie: She’s our fairy godmother
Margot: I think we need to bring this to another forum
Alex: I’ll see myself out
Bye for now!
Joan: Well, what do you all think?
Frankie: Is he there with you?
Theresa: On his own terminal?
Margot: So many questions!
Joan: I will be back
With an exciting update
Bye for now!
Narrator: And Joan is OUT, leaving them all reeling.
Frankie: Wow.
Theresa: That was really something.
Still here, Stacks?
You have been so quiet
Narrator: Margot goes private to Stacks.
Choir: Forward slash!
Margot: Are you okay?
Susan: I think so.
I just feel so silly
For pinning my hopes on her
Margot: Don’t feel silly
For having an open heart
Susan: You can’t see me
But I am picking myself up
Brushing myself off
I have been here before
Margot: And I am here for you
Susan: You told Garrison the same
Now that he is single
Dot dot dot…
Are you interested?
Margot: Me, what?
Susan: In rekindling
Margot: Me? No!
Well…
It’s just that so much time has passed.
Narrator: Hmm. Really.
Voices:
[ gossip-ey chatter]
Narrator:
It’s late on a Tuesday night and the forum is speculating about Talkin’ Lady’s new romance.
And then Margot goes private to Buck.
Choir: Forward slash!
Margot: Still at the office?
Garrison: Won’t be long, now
Just about to switch off this infernal machine
Margot: Ah, nevermind then
Garrison: I always have a minute for you
What’s up?
Margot: Advice time
I need your infinite wisdom, Garrison
Garrison: Shoot, I’m all ears
Margot: Talkin’ Lady
Wields a lot of power
Garrison: Yes
Margot: It’s mostly for the greater good
Garrison: Seems so
Margot: Thanks to her,
Friday is pursuing a college degree
T-Rex has more self-esteem
Garrison: I feel a “but” coming on….
Margot: But there also seems to be…
Garrison: Yes?
Margot: Manipulation
Garrison: Yes
Margot: What do I do?
Garrison: I chose you for this job
Because I trust you
Trust yourself
Margot: But people are fragile
I want to protect them, Buck
How will I know when
To step up and step in?
Garrison: You will know how to handle it
When the time comes
Margot: I have been so profoundly affected
By all these glorious strangers
Garrison: I am no stranger
And what we all love about you
Is something I knew from the start
All those years ago in high school
You’re so perfectly
and essentially…
Just so wonderfully
Margot
Margot: Aw shucks
Garrison: And now with my divorce…
Margot: …well I should finish this and get out of here…
Garrison: I don’t want to keep you…
Margot: …what were you saying?
Garrison: Thank you
For everything
So far…
Margot: You’re welcome
And thank you…
Garrison: You’re welcome
Thank you…
Margot: …if you ever want to talk…
Garrison: Yes. Goodnight.
Margot: Goodnight
Garrison: Goodbye
Margot: Bye
Narrator: Hmm. That was. Kind of cute. Meanwhile, Joan does something she hasn’t done since she’s become Talkin’ Lady: She goes radio silent for three whole days and no one knows why. So unlike her to disappear without a word.
Friday misses her the most. It’s a big secret that Talkin’ Lady is footing the bill for Friday’s tuition. No one knows, so shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone.
Frankie: I know I look
A little out of step with the rest
Pencils always sharpened
Sitting up straight in the front row
Hungry and eager to learn
Making up for lost time
This gift I’ve been given
This vote of confidence
It means the world to me
No concealing that
I lucked out this time
Last night I heard Geraldine Ferraro
Speak at the Convention
A woman VP! That’s no joke.
I am inspired to be bold
No choice but to succeed
On my own
Take no prisoners
And yet: what do I owe Joan?
How do I repay her?
Narrator: And look here. Almost as if she heard her name being dropped, Talkin’ Lady is back in the chat with some big news.
Susan: She’s back!
Theresa: Where have you been?
Joan: Listen, ladies. I live out loud
And I have manifested something
Don’t tell me to look before I leap
I’ve done more than leap this time
I have longed this into being
Are you all ready?
Margot: Ready and waiting
All ears
Theresa: And eyes
Don’t be all talk
Susan: And no action
Frankie: Hit us with your rhythm stick
Joan: Alex and I are tying the knot!
We’re getting hitched
Tomorrow
Narrator: All the air was sucked out of the chat. No one knew quite how to respond.
The screen was silent, blank. So Joan kept going.
Joan: The best part is
You are all invited
You are all my guests for the wedding
My witnesses!
Theresa: But we are spread out all over the country
Frankie: I don’t want to miss it, but I can’t take off from work
Can’t miss school
Susan: This is all happening so fast
Margot: Where will the wedding take place?
Tomorrow?
How could we possibly?
Joan: Hold on, ladies
Think about us
Think about where we have all bonded
The ceremony will take place right here!
Margot: What do you mean?
In the chatroom?
Theresa: On the board?
Frankie: On our computers?
Susan: Virtually? Cybernetically?
Narrator: This sounds crazy. Are you getting this? It does sound crazy, right?
Joan: Prepare to attend the first
Ever
Online matrimony
Right here on the board
We will all make history!
*****
The Electronic Lover 